Why she doesn’t have a boyfriend 17


This hot blonde girl explains her thoughts and experience on relationships, and why she has chosen a nontraditional approach to relationships. I first saw this video on The Journey of Superman blog.

I am a critic of a lot of traditional assumptions about gender, dating and relationships. Just because something has been done in the past does not mean it has to be done now, or in the future. Significant changes have occurred over time in the way people arrange their relationships, and how they live their lives. Those changes sometimes fail and sometimes succeed. But it’s worth the risk of failure if there is a chance that we can attain healthier and happier love lives.

Today we have the freedom to construct our relationships as we see fit. We don’t have to play by anybody’s arbitrary rules. Lest we assume that “women want committed, monogamous relationships, period, end of sentence” videos like this–from a sexy confident girl who presumably has plenty of choice with men–contradict that stereotype.

 

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17 comments on “Why she doesn’t have a boyfriend

  • AKA

    Yeah, it’s all great. She’ll fuck a bunch of diff guys until she turns 35 and wants to have a kid. Then she’ll find her sugardaddy, pop out a kid, then divorce him 5 years later.

      • AKA

        Ha. I sound bitter. I’ve been lamenting the state of marriage and the divorce industry lately. Girls like this sound nice and innocent. Hey I would do her too. No problem w/ that. I am not anti-slut. But later on she wants to settle down (or so she thinks). She marries up the nice guy. Then when he turns out to be too clingy and boring she’ll dump his ass like yesterdays leftovers. which would be fine. Except that the guy will end up paying a huge price for this thru alimony and child support. I’m not passing judgement on her morals. I am saddened that this is the kind of girl my sons will have to guard against in the future.

        • IP Post author

          Doesn’t sound like your beef is really with the girl though. The problem is with the unfair divorce law. The thing is, every girl could be a saint, but if the law is not in men’s favor, it wouldn’t matter, men would always experience unfairness.

          And let’s not forget the so-called “nice guy’s” own failings and his responsibility to take control over his love life, set boundaries, etc.

          At least this girl seems to be philosophically against marriage, which is different from most women her age (or most women, period). If marriage is unfair, then less marriage is a good thing, and the more people turning away from marriage like this, the better.

  • sk

    Yeah…I could be wrong, but I don’t think AKA means he knows exactly what age she’ll settle, or for sure she’ll want a kid, or for sure she’ll find a sugardaddy. There are a few facts directly related to this hot young woman and what she’s saying.
    1) Women are attractive based on age and physical beauty (thin, 7/10 waist hip ratio, symmetrical, proportions), vs men being attractive based any number of things (looks for sure, but social status, fame, confidence, money, power, communcative ability, humor, etc, etc, etc). Because of this, women gradually get less attractive as they age, whereas men, because so many factors determine attractiveness, are attractive almost regardless of age (to a large extent).

    2) As much as age affects attractiveness for men and women differently described above, sexual reproduction is acutely dependent on age. A man can sire offspring from puberty until he’s on his death bed, whereas a woman only until menopause. They’re also more or less fertile based on age. This article (http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a6155/your-age-and-fertility) says “Fertility starts to decline for women from about the age of 30, dropping down more steeply from the age of 35″, but if you look at the graph, that statement is merely pandering to the audience. Fertility has a fairly steady decline from puberty until near menopause.

    3) It would be pretty depressing to know everyone around you finds you less attractive every day and there’s not anything you can do about it. As a man, I don’t feel this. Sure, age still sucks, but I can impact my attractiveness and even increase it regardless of my age.

    I wouldn’t advise a woman to live this way, but I’m not her, so I certainly don’t judge her for it. She’s simply living in a world she didn’t create and enjoying the pedestal while she can. I just think long-term she’d be better off (happier, better relationships, healthier, whatever) living differently. Disregarding marriage or even “morality”, she probably has no idea that riding the cock-carousel affects how men see her or how it changes her psychologically (especially as she gets older). Maybe her current dudes she’s with put up with it (probably because she’s young and hot), but the number of dudes willing to put up with that is less than if she was monoamorous, and especially as her looks fade, this number will dwindle exponentially.

    And that to me is the sad part. She probably doesn’t know, hasn’t been told, how fleeting and how high is the pedestal upon which she stands.

    As CH (http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2011/04/05/the-subtle-heartbreak-of-female-aging/) put it, “Beauty is but a flicker in the quickly brightening and fading light of a woman’s lifetime. If you think women don’t feel stress competing in the dating market, look at this photo for a helpful reminder of the Damocles Sword of sexual expiration that dangles over the head of every woman.” So, so sadly true.

  • IP Post author

    SK:

    I agree with #1 for the most part. (I think women can keep their physical beauty much longer than most people think, but I’ll ignore that for the moment.)

    As for #2, I don’t know if this girl in the video wants kids, or if that factors at all into her lifestyle choices. Today, most men can reproduce at almost any age, but that’s only because of technology (treatment for erectile dysfunction primarily). Once we factor technology into the equation, then women too are more and more able to reproduce at later ages. So age is not the mitigating factor it once was. In the coming years and decades, it’s not unthinkable that we might see women in their 40s and 50s having healthy children regularly. (Also, while a girl may be fertile right upon puberty, there is a much higher chance of complications and health problems from such pregnancies, so in evolutionary terms, this is not the ideal age for reproduction.)

    #3–Indeed, this is why women who place all of their eggs in the beauty basket are some of the most neurotic people around. That clock is always ticking. Although if they stressed out a lot less, ate better and took care of themselves health-wise, they could age much more gracefully. I don’t coach women, but if I did, I would encourage them to have lots of other cool and interesting stuff going on in their lives so that as their looks fade they can continue being happy and have a good life. Again, for the girl in this video, she’s a model, but she’s also a pretty interesting person. She seems quite smart and has a bunch of other interesting stuff happening in her life.

    “Disregarding marriage or even “morality”, she probably has no idea that riding the cock-carousel affects how men see her”

    I’m guessing the kinds of guys with traditional values who would look down on her for living an alternative lifestyle are not the kinds of guys she would be interested in dating anyway. You said to hypothetically disregard morality, but that whole worldview of such men is precisely tied up with their moral values.

    “She probably doesn’t know, hasn’t been told, how fleeting and how high is the pedestal upon which she stands.”

    She seems like a savvy girl. I’m sure she’ll be fine. She might not be having as much sex with as many men in 20 years, but she’ll probably be doing other more important things with herself.

  • AKA

    Well, I am sure she is very bright. Probably has a higher IQ than me. But she is still a chick. And chicks once they turn 30 have a burning need to have babies, get married and settle down into a marriage. They are ALL like this. All of them whether they admit it or not. So after years of stuffing random dicks in herself, she’s going to try to latch down a man for a commitment. She’s going to want kids with him. The odds of a successful marriage with her go down with each additional dick she has had. This is well documented in research.

    So now the unsuspecting man has married her and has kids with her. Of course, the man will never get the true story on what her notch count is. Then a few years later she decides that she is unhappy and wants out of her commitment. Now then the court system takes the man and divests him of all his assets because he had the audacity to marry her.

    What I am trying to teach my sons is, watch out for these innocent sounding girls. They are not commitment material. For reasons I don’t understand, girls do not care about the consequences of sluttery. I don’t have a moral problem w/ sluts. I have a problem with the court system holding a man hostage just because he marries one of these girls. We need something like a carfax for women. That way we’d know if she was worth the risk or not.

    • IP Post author

      Well, most people want to have children eventually, and the age of doing so is rising (late 20s/ early 30s on average). Women may say they don’t want kids “right now”, but they want to wait until later on. It’s not like there’s a switch that goes off in her head. At most they start to realize their biological clock is running out and they might get more aggressive. (That’s a difference in degree, not kind.)

      But most upper/middle class women who have kids around that age have already been married for a while anyway.

      What I like about a girl like this, and why I wanted to feature her, is that she specifically rejects the old way of doing things. She has actually thought this through and chosen this lifestyle consciously. Many or most girls live in an alternative way in the short term, but eventually want to “settle down.” So they want to have it both ways (same with guys).

      So the point is that she is precisely very unlikely to actually get married. So this chick and your son are not likely to ever cross paths anyway, because they have very different goals.

      I guess if you want to encourage your sons to not settle down with such a woman, for whatever reason, your best bet is to point them in the direction of very conservative and religious communities. (But only certain ones; some are conservative in appearance, but “slutty” beneath the surface.) The mainstream dating scene will not be very useful for you, as it’s drifting more and more in the alternative/ marriage-less direction.

  • sk

    Are you really saying age factors in as much for men as it does women, or even close to as much? Are you really comparing ED in men with an unlimited supply of sperm with the physiological affect of decreasing fertility due to a *limited supply of eggs at birth*? A puzzled look of bewildered pity is all I can muster.
    Check out US presidents, famous people, historical figures…a lot of old dudes having kids.

    • IP Post author

      No, obviously a 60 year old man is more able to reproduce than a 60 year old woman, on average. And yet the overwhelming majority of all people are born to men far younger.

      Nature doesn’t really know the difference between a man who has sperm that can’t come out because he has ED, and a person who has no sperm at all. As far as nature is concerned, it’s the same thing.

      But even aside from that, testosterone, semen volume and sperm quality all decrease with age. Children with older fathers (40s and up, let’s say) have a higher rate of various problems like autism and Down syndrome because of genetic defects that pile up in the sperm with time.

      Age affects every cell of the body. It’s not like sperm get a special pass and retain quality from adolescence into old age.

      As far presidents and other elite men–well older men in history don’t have that many kids (there aren’t many “older” men in history in the first place because of poor health and lower life expectancies in the past).

      But more importantly, if we’re going to talk about the elite, we have to apply it to both genders. And sure enough what we see is that members of an elite always have the best healthcare and resources. So while an older elite man has a higher chance of reproducing than an older poor man, an older elite woman does too relative to her counterpart. That’s not to say men and women are equal. It’s just that fertility declines in both over time. The decline is just slowed in men. How much it is slowed depends greatly on health, diet and technology.

      Here’s more info on men’s declining fertility:
      http://www.nytimes.com/ref/health/healthguide/esn-maleinfertility-expert.html
      http://infertility.about.com/od/causesofinfertility/f/maleagefertile.htm
      http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/features/age-raises-infertility-risk-in-men-too

  • bossymoksie

    Okay, I didn’t hit the reply button to AKA and sk because I’m all late and I’m not sure they will get it. But what they are saying is just BS.
    This whole ‘looks fading’ and that’s all what men look for, and biological clock ticking is what women get told all the time by society (and apparently these guys believe that BS as well). This is EXACTLY why women get desperate with age and marry that nice financially secure guy, instead of marrying him because she actually wants to be close with him and share her life with him. Then she wakes up one day and realizes her mistakes and takes half his paycheck (because she can). If you want women to marry because she is afraid, then yes, we should keep sending this message out.
    I’m all for men watching out for their finances and not wanting to be used or to make a costly mistake. Fine. But don’t pretend you are so concerned for these hot, young girls future who don’t want to settle down. It just sounds like you’re mad that hot young girls don’t want to settle down with YOU. And men are attracted to more things than looks. Yes, they are visual and need to be sexually attracted to a woman, but there are things like character, values, standards (which one of those commenters alluded to) as well as compatible personality traits. Presenting such a narrow view of what makes women attractive to men not only insults women, but insults men and makes them seem smaller and more petty than they are.
    @IP- I think that’s great advice for women. The things that mostly make women unattractive with age is when they look sloppy or don’t take care of themselves, are bitter, desperate, depressed or neurotic. If you are full of life and have interesting things going on, you are attractive at any age, regardless of gender! I like having one boyfriend, but marriage is not for me. I am more interested in getting close to someone, not following rules that turn you into strangers just so you can show that you are in a ‘serious relationship’, which it turns into when things get more and more serious.

    • IP Post author

      Looks do fade, for both genders, but yeah the whole idea of marrying someone is that there’s more to the deal than sex or physical appeal. That’s precisely why people–male or female–often settle down with people who are not the hottest physically; because they bring other attractive qualities to the table like values, personality, etc.

      If you look at other cultures outside the US, there are many countries where women age much more gracefully (Japan and France come to mind) precisely because they pay attention to health, diet, exercise, and fashion.

    • AKA

      @boss that’s nice of you to be so concerned about the well being of these girls. Where as I am not concerned for these girls in the least bit. Look it is well documented that the more cocks a woman has had before marriage, the higher her chances of divorcing are. Go ahead marry up the slut and see where that gets you. I’m sure that you would be so awesome that she would think that you are better than all of those other dicks she’s had. Just watch out for the ass raping you will get in divorce court.

      Of course men date women for things other than their looks. But looks are one of the top reasons.

      I’ve been married for 25+ years. So no, I am not interested in the girl above. My wife is sweet, pretty and makes a lot of money. I’m keeping her. But you are welcome to all the sluts you can handle. I just wouldn’t marry one if I were you.

  • bossymoksie

    @AKA
    I am not concerned about these girls present or future either! I was addressing sk’s fake sympathy for these ‘types’ of girls. Sorry for lumping you two together.
    But has it ever occured to you that these girls who sleep around may not be good at LTR because they don’t know how to be (because they haven’t done it) or don’t care to be in one, versus how many physical dicks have been inside of them? Maybe they choose divorce because they have no idea how to do conflict management or whatever else they may deal with in an LTR? Or again, they settled because they got scared and desperate?

    • AKA

      I’m sure there’s lots of reasons why these girls are not fit for LTR’s. I’m sure it is not a causal relationship between number of dicks and divorce. It’s a coincidence. All I’m saying is this girl is one you would want to date (she is hot after all), but you’d better be careful and not marry her up. This is exactly why she will lie thru her teeth about her notch number. No way in hell is she gonna tell you how many dicks she’s sucked or how many she’s had between her legs. Why is that? Because she knows that it scares men away. Why does it scare men away? because smart men know that a slut is a cheeting risk. She will never be faithful to you. If you don’t care about that then there is no problem. But most guys value loyalty.

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