The other day I went out with a friend of mine to do some day game at a park near my house in the city. It was a beautiful day and there were plenty of attractive girls out. Still, I was lethargic and had a lot of inertia for approaching. I did a single warmup. The warmup girl was really pretty, sitting reading something on a bench. Short skirt with nice legs. Couldn’t really get a conversation started and just spent most of the time sitting in silence next to her. She seemed pretty polite and dismissive, mostly because of my bad energy.
Then a solid approach. A gorgeous Eastern European in a very sexy outfit with tight black pants and high-heel shoes. I went in stronger, direct, and sat down next to her. And she was more receptive than the other girl. So that was a lot of progress from just one approach to the next. Conversation was much better, but still pretty lame. She had to go back to work, I suggested keeping in touch, she declined.
I just walked around and chilled in the general area aimlessly for a while.
Then something really interesting happened.
A pretty girl in a really short light summer dress exposing all kinds of leg, reading a book. I noticed her while I was walking and then sat on a bench nearby. Sat around for a while, with no intention of opening. We actually made eye contact a few times briefly. At one point she looks up and makes eye contact, I smile, she smiles back and looks down to her book. Ok, now I’ll go. I stand up, walk over, say hi and tell her she looks nice. I specifically mention that “we just made some eye contact so I wanted to come over and say hello.”
She is super receptive, very friendly and even offers me the empty chair. The conversation was easy and fun, we get to know each other, flirt and tease a little bit. I suggest going for a walk and she agrees. We keep talking, and I start a little bit of physical touching. The farthest I go physically is a gentle touch on her upper back a few times while we’re sitting on a park bench (playful/ joking context).
Eventually I look at the time and say I have to go. She’s like “do you have a deadline?” indication that she’s kind of bummed I am leaving.
I suggest that she walks with me and I show her where I live, and she agrees (cool!). However, she then asks where it is and I give her the exact location–game over. It seems too far away. I should have said “just a few minutes away” (which is true) and been a little more persistent. Nevertheless, I was satisfied with how things have gone so far and willing to end it.
We walk out of the park and exchange numbers. She’s leaving the city 2 days later for summer (she’s in school) so the best I can hope for is a quick coffee before she moves. I’m booked for much of the weekend, so it will be tough. Unfortunately, there is a LOT of this kind of transience in New York City. It makes organizing logistics very hard in some cases. Theoretically I could meet up with her months from now when she comes back, but obviously that’s irrelevant.
Moral of the story is that I took small steps, one after the other, and made something really cool happen. It’s all about baby steps. I have done so many approaches that I am just in the habit of taking one very small step after the other. And things can snowball quickly.
In just three approaches, I went from a bullshit, boring, awkward set-to-nowhere… to a romantic connection, mini instant date and a solid number close (and almost a bounce back to my place).
Importantly, not even the last set was done by the book. But even a half-assed attempt is better than none at all, if it gets you moving in the right direction. This habit of taking action will then pay off another time when you are in a much better mood with better energy.